Chapter Text
Interchapter: You’re semi-sweet.
(Internalized homophobia.)
It had officially been a full three weeks since I had unfortunately arrived here, and not much has happened. Well - except for a few minor setbacks, but I’m fine now.
Tiffany still hasn’t written to me, and at this point I started to worry - but again, I factored in her situation, and just figured she’s depressed and can’t bring herself to do anything but sit and sulk all day. Though it’s sad to think about, I somehow feel like being away from Tiffany has made me stronger in some places. On the other hand, I feel like it’s also made me weaker in others.
Though, on the brighter side, me and Jess were getting closer each day, and she almost felt like a Tiffany replacement, but if she knew I thought of her like that, she’d probably be offended. I mean, I’d be offended. Maybe that says something about me.
It was nighttime, and about to be the weekend. I looked at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand that me and Jess shared. Her floral perfume bottle was illuminated by the ticking red numbers that read ‘11:56 PM.’ So yeah, technically about to be the weekend.
Before entering this place, I had figured the girls would just treat weekends like me - laze around all day - but no.
Well, okay, that’s a partial lie. Girls like Opal and Stephanie laze around because they don’t talk to anyone but themselves, and sometimes me and Jess if they’re feeling confident.
Stephanie told me she was best friends with Emily and Alice once - since most of these girls have been going to this academy for who knows how long - and though I found that hard to believe that those , she had substantial evidence. She had told me they used to sneak out of this school during lunch or something like that just to do drugs. Or well, whatever Alice and Emily could get their grimy little hands on. Apparently, their mothers worked together as drug dealers, and they got sent here by a judge who viewed a case their mothers were in, but I kind of find that hard to believe.
I figured I’d had enough of ruminating about my classmates, and shut my eyes to try and fall asleep, but the droning of multiple alarm clocks ticking reverberated around in my mind for who knows how long. Why do digital clocks tick? It’s useless.
I never know exactly when I fall asleep - ever - but I guess I had, because when I opened my eyes back up, it was nice and bright out - and colder than it has ever been before. Obviously not in the history of Maine, but it was practically freezing in the dorm. I turned to Jess, who was reading a magazine.
She noticed I was looking at her, and she chimed. “Hey sleepyhead! It’s like, 2 pm.” She giggled and put her magazine down, getting out of her bed.
“Re-really?” I stuttered, rubbing my eyes with my hand. She snuck a peek at my wrists, and even though she thought I didn’t see, I did. I know she’s just concerned though, after what had happened about two weeks ago, but I wanted to let her know I was fine. Truly. That was just a setback, a rather big setback that possibly ruined my already tainted reputation I had here, but it’s alright in the long run I guess.
I mean, I hadn’t done it since that one fateful day, only really because I had no idea where that razor was after Dotty took it, and secondly, it hurts to shower afterwards, so why risk it?
“God, how are you still asleep?” Dotty walked in. Perfect, just what I need to better my Saturday afternoon. “It’s like, 2pm. How lazy are you?”
“Lay off, Dotty, jeez. It is Saturday after all, we never do anything.” Jess shot her head towards the flamingo haired girl. Hah, I like that. Flamingo girl.
“Yeah, flamingo.” I was already feeling bold, so I decided to test my chances. I was skating on thin ice with her though, because I knew Dotty can say some horrible things, and, I mean, she did have a nasty secret about me tucked away in her lackluster brain somewhere, so I was careful with my words.
“Ha-ha, real funny fatty.” She cursed.
That’s a new one.
“Hey!” Jess barked. “Pick on someone your own size, Dotty.” I giggled at that, which set her off more.
“Oh yeah? What defines someone as my size? Are you calling me FAT?” She sneered, clearly taken aback. She crossed her arms and huffed at us. “Calling someone like me fat has got to count as like, a hate crime.”
“A hate crime? Don’t flatter yourself.” I snickered. I felt feisty, like a cat who just had some lines of cat-nip.
Dotty giggled. “I find it funny you of all people want to get smart with me -” She interrupted herself. “- I - I mean, I can only ponder how miserable your life must be if you want to harass me whilst also confiding in me that you slit your wrists. It’s pathetic, really. Pick a side and stick with it.” She hissed as she walked out of the room. I guess she thought she had really got me, but I didn’t care all that much. That was behind me, and need I remind her, SHE’S the one that stole MY razor, for god knows what, so maybe she’s a hypocrite and taking her insecurities out on me.
Jeez, what was with me this morning?
“Bitch!” Jess shouted from across the room, but Dotty had apparently accomplished what she wanted, and ignored her. I guess for the better.
“Are you okay? I mean - that was like, seriously uncalled for. But, uhm, did you tell her?” She looked at me sincerely. I felt weird. Her eyes sparkled in the fresh sunlight that soon went away when I opened my mouth.
“I - uh, it’s kind of complicated.” I didn’t want to relive that sequence of events that led to Dotty finding out about my little ‘accident’, and definitely didn’t want to tell Jess. I didn’t want her to pity me, which I knew she’d do.
“That’s okay. You can tell me whenever you want - or, not at all.” She smiled.
She got closer to me, and at this point I was obviously sitting up in my bed. I looked closely at her, glancing at her face features; her eyes twinkled like stars in a distant window, her ocher hair waved from the fan behind her, yet it felt like we were on a beach, and her soft virgin hair was blowing in tune with each gust of wind, like it was guiding something to me. I was utterly entranced by her all of a sudden.
I have felt like this before, but never to this extreme. It was a new and fresh feeling, and I basked in it like a cat in sunlight. She was my sunlight, my star, my everything. I didn’t care that we met merely three weeks ago, I needed her injected into my bloodstream - she was my personal brand of heroin, she was every star combined, melted into a liquid, then molded into the shape of a human. She was my new cosmic body.
She wasn’t quite Tiffany, but if Tiffany didn’t want to think about me, I didn’t want to think about her. I have moved onto greater things, and those greater things being Jessica. She was alluring, heavenly - some might also say irresistible. She was the embodiment of the word perfect.
I stared at her, and in my mind, rose petals were blooming in the background, but it wasn’t as merely as divine as she was. I was graced to be in the presence of her, and for that, I will forever be lucky. She got closer to me, I glanced down at her plump lips, glossy and colored like a velvet rose petal, whether it be natural or simply a lipstick, I didn’t care. I leaned in closer and closed my eyes. Whatever she was about to embrace, I was ready.
Suddenly, she spoke, bringing me out of my fluffy daydream and back into the very much cold, hard, reality. No more cotton candy clouds for me.
“You have very pretty eyes, Morgan.” She flashed a smile, and for a brief moment, I wanted to take a camera and snap a shot with the lens, so I could forever keep that picture of her pearly white teeth in my wallet. And, in my darkest of hours, I could take a glance at it to feel better.
“Oh, uhm. - T- Thank you.” I stuttered a response, and she giggled. It echoed in my ears and into my brain, where it would stay for the rest of eternity, competing with Tiffany’s laughter, already stored there.
I got even closer, but she stayed put, giggling.
“Aha, what are you doing?” She twinkled, resting her hand on my bed now, as if she was going to fall into me if she didn’t. But, I wouldn’t mind.
“Noth - hehe - ing.” I was so giggly, I’ve only ever been this way with Tiffany, but it seemed Jessica was taking her place.
I instantly took that back, and felt weird. All of this was weird. I readjusted my posture and looked at Jess. At this point, my heart was beating like a kick-drum.
“Wh- are you okay? Did I do something?” Her face went serious, a stark contrast of what she was like mere minutes ago.
“Ye-ah, I’m. . fine. Just - feeling weird.” I looked down at the ground. I felt shameful. I knew liking Tiffany like this was weird, but I thought it was just because we had been friends for so long, I thought all best friends had felt like that.
But with Jessica, she wasn’t my best friend, not even close. What I shared with her was a fraction of what I shared with Tiffany. She barely even knew who I was, yet, these feelings still crept out. And I was ashamed. I did not want to admit it, but it almost felt like a sudden crush, and just thinking about that in my mind - made me sick.
“Are we, uhm, interrupting - ?” A voice spoke out of the blue. It sounded bitchy and obnoxious, and if I had to hypothesize, I’d take a wild guess and say it’s. . .
“Me and Tiger were just letting everyone know that we’re having a little ‘get together’ tonight. We told the staff and they said it’s fine. We’re providing drinks n’ stuff.”
Layla.
“Huh-? Oh, that’s cool Layla. I’m shocked they said yes.” Jess instantly turned around, like the moment before they barged in didn’t even exist. I was fine with that. Sort of.
“Rightt. . Well, when one of the staff is your aunt, it’s a bit easier.” Tiger chimed in.
“Oh yeah, I totally forgot about that. Who is it again - ?” Jess responded. I thought it was kind of odd that she was making normal conversation with them, but I guess they aren’t crazy bitches all the time.
“Ms. Tiffany. And well - aunt by marriage, but aunt nonetheless!” She waved her hands in the air. They came closer, and I braced for the worst.
Gee, Ms. Tiffany related to Tiger? Hallelujah.
“Don’t tell anyone else, but Emily and Alice promised they’d bring some ‘party favors’, wink-wink.” Layla held her hand beside her mouth so nobody else saw what she was saying, even though nobody other than us occupied the room.
“She just means drugs and alcohol. Or maybe just alcohol. Don’t ask us where they’re getting it, because we have zero clue.” Tiger put her hand on her hip and sighed. “I mean, I don’t even know if we should trust them, but, Layla insisted.”
Layla turned to her. “What, you think they’re gonna spike our drinks or something? Please. There’s nothing to be worried about.” The blonde girl rolled her eyes. “We’ve taken stuff from them before and were perfectly fine.”
“Okay, well, don’t come crying to me when you're on the ground seeing shit and foaming at the mouth because you let two psychopaths get stuff for our party.” She flashed a wide-eyed, standoffish expression.
“Yadda yadda, we’re gonna be fine. Andd, I don’t think that’s how it works.” She waved her hand at the ginger as they left the room, continuing to bicker back and forth.
Jess turned to me. “Party, huh. You going?” She tilted her head curiously.
“Probably. I haven’t had a single drink since I’ve been here. I literally need one to keep me from going insane.”
“Oh - you drink?” She replied, seeming disappointed.
“Um - on-only sometimes. I, uh, used to drink a lot with my friend.” I rubbed the back of my neck to try and soothe the pit in my stomach, but it didn’t help. I didn’t want to put Jess off, and if that meant not taking a sip of liquor, I’d try.
“No - no, it’s totally fine. It’s your life.” She tittered nervously, playing with a strand of her hair. I got lost in thoughts of her again, and cursed myself for wanting her. She was just so appealing, and it hurt. She was the star in the sky I couldn’t reach, but yearned to. I’d stargaze just to see her, and plan out a way to somehow shoot myself into space just to spend one aching minute with her, but she would always be out of reach. She was my definition of perfect. She was magnetic.
Or, maybe it was just the light.