Archive of Our Own ^beta

Eddie places a cardboard box on top of a stack of two. He smiles at Chris, who sits a few feet away.

“That is the last box.”

He needs to return the U-Haul truck, but there’s at least one more day on the rental agreement and they could probably use it to move some of the stuff into storage once Buck gets home from his appointment.

“Hey, you wanna help me decide on lunch before we start sorting out what stay and what goes?’

“Lewis is having a... party, and he wanted to know if I could come.”

Eddie stops and looks at Chris, a smile forming on his lips.

“Okay. What time am I dropping you off?”

“Um, in 30 minutes maybe? Let me ask.”

Eddie moves a few things from the box in front of him in silence, kitchen towels which can go in the linen closet and a few sets of plates. Buck’s are newer and a little nicer so he’ll ask him to see if he just wants to donate everything they don’t use. He walks over to set the box on the dinner table and finds a small pamphlet, Realty by Judy Brooks. He opens it and sees Buck’s writing over the section on financing. He turns it around and sees today’s date is scrawled on the bottom on the pamphlet… was Buck really thinking about moving out? They talked about this. Eddie and Chris were coming back home, that was it, no one needed to move. Eddie pulls out his phone and dials.

“Hey. I can’t really talk right now —”

“Was your appointment today to look at apartments?”

“A house actually. Why?”

“Come home, we need to talk.”

“Eddie.”

“Buck. I'm not doing this over the phone, just leave that appointment, come home. If I’m not here when you pull up, I’m dropping Chris off with Lewis.”

He hears Buck’s muffled apology to who Eddie’s going to assume is Judy and the sound of a car door being open and shut.

“I don’t know what you want to talk about,” Buck mumbles as the car is started, “but I’m on my way.”

Eddie hums, ripping the pamphlet in his hand.

“Good. I’ll see you in a bit.”

He walks back to Chris as he hangs up the phone.

“Lewis get back to you?”

“Yeah, he says I can come over anytime.”

“Let’s go then, I have to get back to talk to Buck about something.”

He drives with the sound of Chris’s TikTok feed filling the car. Chris locks his phone, a video cutting off abruptly.

“Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you and Buck still fighting?”

“No. Buck is just misunderstanding something and I gotta make sure he knows that whatever he’s thinking isn’t true.”

Chris hums and plays with the phone in his hand, flipping it over a few times.

“Is this because of the house showing?”

The light in front of them turns red and Eddie slows to a stop.

“He told you about it?”

“I overheard him making the appointment a few days ago. I asked him about it but you came home with dinner and he never really brought it up again.”

“You know when I said we were coming back home that I meant it as all of us, right? You, me, and Buck living together?”

“Yeah, I thought he did too until a few days ago.”

“Dammit, okay."

“He thinks you’re kicking him out doesn’t he?”

“I think so.”

“Dumbass.”

“Chris —”

“Well he is. Or did you mess up telling him about your feelings?”

Eddie stares at the road. Chris sighs.

“Dad. You did tell him right? We had a deal.”

“I know. And I want to tell him —”

“But?”

“But, we just had the funeral and everything in the firehouse is changing.”

“Fuck that.” Eddie stares at him, Chris falters for a second. “Sorry. You know I’m right... you can’t hide behind it dad.”

“It’s not hiding,” Eddie feels pinpricks at his nose, his eyes watering, “he was basically Buck’s dad, sometimes it felt like he was mine too. We miss him and I don’t know what to do, all of us would run to him for advice, for a shoulder to lean on, and I can’t do that now. I can’t tell him how sorry I am for not coming back sooner.”

“I miss him too. Maybe we can go visit him, like we did with mom?”

“Athena had him buried in Minnesota, mijo.”

“Then we make a family trip out of it, do a roadtrip so Buck doesn’t have to fly.”

Eddie feels a tear fall as he smiles at Chris.

“I think he’d like that.”

“But you have to tell him you love him first.”

“You’re stubborn you know that?” Chris smiles wide at him. “What if he doesn’t feel the same way? Sure, we’re a little different than other best friends. I get that now, but he’s your other dad. Am I really gonna mess that up, maybe even freak him out because I had a sexuality crisis after your tias called me out on how we act?”

Chris shakes his head and laughs.

“It’s really sad that you thought you and Buck were normal.”

“Tia Sophia and Tia Adri couldn't stop laughing at me the last time we went to dinner.”

“Was that when Tia Adri had to take your phone because you wouldn’t stop calling him?”

Eddie reaches across the seat to lightly ruffle Chris’s curls.

“I wasn’t that bad. I may have gone a bit overboard on the stories though.”

“You told them about the Poker date, didn’t you?”

“It wasn’t a date.”

“Only cause you didn’t know back then.” Chris’s phone pings, a few notifications from Buck appearing on his screen. “What did you tell him?”

“I told him we were coming home, that we missed him. That you couldn’t wait to be under the same roof as him again.”

Eddie parks right outside the driveway, balloons swaying on the mailbox. He can’t wrap his head around how Buck could’ve misinterpreted his words.

“But you didn’t ask him to stay?”

“It was implied.”

“Oh my god. I… I’m leaving. Go and talk to him. Don’t pick me up until he knows that we want him to be with us, until you tell him everything.”

“Mijo, you really think now is a good time?”

“Is it ever a good time?”

He’s unbuckling his seatbelt as he looks up at Eddie.

“Please dad. You’re both idiots for waiting this long to notice, don’t let him leave thinking he’s unwanted.”

Chris gets out of the car with practiced ease and thanks Eddie when his crutches are handed to him. He turns back to Eddie and waves.

Buck’s truck is in the driveway when he gets back, the door only slightly ajar. He’s moving boxes…shit. Eddie parks and bolts into the house nearly bumping into Buck.

“Put them back.”

Buck stares at him, bewildered.

“What?”

“The boxes, put them back.” Eddie repeats, taking the box from Buck’s arms. 

“What’s going on?”

Eddie closes his eyes and drops the box a little too forcefully onto the couch.

“How could you think I was kicking you out?”

“Eddie, I can’t just stay here.”

“Why not?”

Buck closes the door behind him and stares at Eddie.

“You just got back. You and Chris need your space. I’m not… I don’t want to be in the way.”

Eddie takes a step towards him.

“You’re not in the way, Buck.”

“Yeah, for now. But what about when you want to bring someone home? When you want to bring someone into your family? How are we going to explain that I’m here?”

“You’re our family.”

“Eddie, you know what I mean.”

“No. I really don’t. I’m not bringing someone into our family Buck.” Eddie steps closer to Buck, who uncrosses his arms and tries to move back. “I have everything I need here.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“What?”

“I’m not, Eddie. You don’t know what you’re saying right now.”

“I don’t want to bring anyone home Buck. If that’s your big worry then problem solved. I told you that me and Chris were coming home. To you. What part of that did you think meant you had to leave?”

“Why do you want me here?” Buck asks, his voice breaking slightly.

Eddie looks around the house, a mix of their things pulled off walls, in boxes, and scattered along the floor. He lets himself sink into what he’s been feeling since they fought in the kitchen. He couldn’t say it then, couldn’t even think about it. Chris figured it out by the time he was waking him up to get on a flight but it took him a few days and Tia Pepa calling him out to realize what it was he was feeling. He can’t lose Buck, not without trying to get him to understand.

“Why do you want to leave?” He reaches up to wipe at his face. “I know left first. I know that hurt both of us, but it was for Chris. You understood that. You gave up the loft for that. And I came back. I fucking came back, Buck. And it wasn’t because Chim yelled at us. It wasn’t just being back in my turnouts. It was seeing all of you in danger, it was seeing you on the news and thinking I wouldn’t be able to do anything. It was our kid telling me to go and help you that knocked my ass into gear. I’m here. I’m here.”

He takes a breath, his ribs feel like they’re constricting, pulling in on his lungs. He grips the back of the couch and steadies himself, letting the tears fall.

“When you left I was a mess. Ravi couldn’t escape getting called your name. Chim and Hen were keeping score of how much I brought you up or talked to you. Bobby — he was the only one to really just listen. He missed you too, kept telling me you’d be home soon. That you just needed time. I wanted to believe that, but every phone call and FaceTime, I’d see you smiling about how Chris was getting more and more comfortable with you. You were happy.”

Eddie looks at him and scrunches his brow, slowly standing back up.

“I wasn’t happy Buck, Bobby knew I wanted to come home even if I didn’t realize it. You saw me smiling because Chris was trusting and talking to me more yeah but it was also cause I was on the phone with you.”

“Yeah,” Buck huffs out a breath, “kinda wish I knew that before I did something stupid after convincing Ravi to go out for drinks.”

“Did you and Ravi sleep together?”

“No! No. God, he’s great, but he’s like a little brother. No, um Ravi found Tommy at the bar and just kind of left him with me.”

“Tommy?”

“Yeah, we came back here and he stayed over.”

Eddie looks behind them at the hallway into the room. He can almost imagine it, Buck pushing him…Tommy, up against the wall, kissing him senseless and slowly taking off his clothes. Eddie feels his stomach flip at the image. He blinks and shakes his head, turning to Buck.

“Does our house remind you of your ex now?”

Buck laughs nervously.

“No, it was all boxes when he was here. But he got into a fight with me the next morning, said some things that have been fucking up my head.”

“What did he say to you?”

Buck steps in front of him, messing with the top on one of his own boxes. Photos in frames sit on top. Buck grabs the first one, a picture of them at the station.

“He wanted to try again. Said he was willing to try now that the competition was gone.”

“Competition? He thought…”

Eddie finally exhales. He looks at the picture Buck is holding and remembers Bobby taking it for them before Chris went off to play with Harry and Denny. He can’t decide if he wants to laugh or cry.

“Does he know how pathetic that sounds?”

“I knew he was insecure about you and me but I never thought he’d be like this.”

“You’re not back together with him right?”

“Absolutely not. The last time we saw him was the funeral, you know that.”

“Good. So wanna explain then? As far as I know Tommy’s opinion of us doesn’t matter, I want you here, Chris wants you here. I don’t see a reason for you to be going to showings.”

Buck starts pace the room, his foot gently nudging one of the boxes as he stops in front of the dinner table. He picks up one of the plates inside and looks it over.

“These are your older ones aren’t they? The set that’s missing at least one of the mugs.”

“Was gonna ask you to help me set up a box for donation. We’re keeping your new set out anyway.”

“Eds.”

“Until you can tell me why you don’t want to be here, I’m going to assume you don’t actually have a reason.”

Buck places the plate back down and sits at the edge of the dinner table.

“Eddie, he saw you as competition. Maddie seems to think it’s not crazy to think…everyone thinks that I’m the idiot cliche bisexual who fell in love my best friend, with the only person in the world who I don’t want to lose.”

“That’s… are you?”

Buck looks down before standing rummaging through another box, his eyes on anything but Eddie.

“Does it matter?”

Eddie waits. The pit in his stomach is slowly growing and at this point he can’t tell if its because they haven’t eaten lunch or if everything in him is fighting between wanting to run away from this conversation or finally letting himself chase after what he wants.

“Of course it matters.” Eddie pauses, he could let Buck leave, let him go. He could pretend that he doesn’t feel this, that he didn’t spend every moment he had in Texas overthinking what place Buck occupied in his life. He could let him go, but maybe just this once, he can just hope. “Buck, I need you to tell me if this is just something he put in your head to fuck with you or if you might actually have feelings.”

“He’s just the person to call me out on it first, or the first one I listened to I guess. Taylor said something about how you and I acted, Maddie’s always made comments, fuck Bobby probably knew too. I can’t do this to you Eddie. I can’t stay here like I want to and pretend I’m okay. You’re my best friend and I can’t be that for you if I have this in my head, if I keep questioning every little thing we’ve done for each other over the years. If all I’m gonna want to do is turn around in bed and hold you because I never want to let you go again.”

“Lot of ‘I’s in there bud, did you even stop to think that maybe they didn’t make that comment just because of you?”

Buck won’t look at him. His eyes fixed on a sleek black folder sitting on top of one of Eddie’s boxes. Buck steps up to the box and gently traces over the gold lettering of the law firm it surely came from. It looks new.

“Why did you go to a law firm in Texas?”

“El Paso FD wanted an updated will.”

Eddie holds his hand out for the folder. Buck hands him the fill wordlessly and watches as he rummages through the pages. He hands it back to Buck.

“Read it.”

Buck looks at the page Eddie flipped to and reads.

In the event of my, Edmundo Diaz’s, incapacitation and/ or death, I nominate and appoint Evan Buckley as sole legal guardian of my child, Christopher Diaz, for both their personal wellbeing and their estate, due to the child’s special needs and their reliance on government benefits…

He turns the page and continues darting his eyes back and forth between the pages and Eddie. There is way more in the pages than he remembers, safeguards for Chris now that he's older. He rereads the first line again and again. He closes it gently and takes a breath before handing it back to Eddie.

“I thought you would change it.”

“I did. I added a negative will clause, at least that’s what they told me it was called. My parents are on the list of people who I don’t want Chris to go to. You are the only person I ever want to share Chris with. And if for some reason you aren’t able to, then any court should allow Chris the choice between staying in LA with the Wilsons or the Buckley-Hans and going to Texas with Adri or Sophia.”

“Why?”

Eddie takes Buck’s hand and pulls him closer. Buck reflexively grabs onto Eddie’s waist to avoid tripping a box full of Chris’s gaming accessories. Eddie laughs.

“We really need decide what’s staying and what’s going.”

He leans in and teases the contact, lips scraping against each other but not quite kissing. He nudges his nose into the side of Buck’s cheek, letting out a shaky breath. He pulls away just enough to look into Buck’s eyes.

“Eddie, please. Don’t. Not if you don’t feel...”

“You really think I don’t feel anything?”

“You’re straight.” Buck tries, his eyes glistening wet.

“I don’t think I am…had a bit of a crisis when I was in Texas.” Eddie lets out a breath. “Adri and Sophia spend a good couple of weeks calling me out on the shit you and I do that they don’t even do with their partners. They almost called you themselves when I updated the will. Told me I was being an idiot. Buck, when I made you Chris's guardian that was me giving you everything. I didn’t even think about what it meant, but I think I've loved you since then. I knew you would be the only person I trusted enough with my whole world. Tommy was wrong,” he takes a chance and presses his lips lightly to Buck’s, “there was never a competition, it was always us.”

“Fuck.” Buck blinks away tears and brings his hand to cover Eddie’s, turning to kiss his palm. “Are you, Eds, please tell me you mean it. I can’t— if you decide you don’t want this tomorrow…”

“I do, this isn’t some last ditch effort for you to stay. If you don’t want this, if you want to get over…me, I won’t stop you. But tell me, tell me to stop, because if you don’t, I will never stop trying to kiss you.” His hands loosen their hold on Buck’s shirt, the rumpled fabric forgotten as his hand traces over Buck’s cheek to rest on his neck.

“Don’t stop.” Buck looks at Eddie’s lips before darting his tongue out to lick his own. Eddie closes the distance between them, his lips catching Buck’s bottom lip. The stubble on Buck’s face tickles, a strange sensation against his own. He feels Buck’s hands tighten on his waist, pulling him closer. Eddie’s breath hitches, he wants, God, he wants. Buck chases after him, kissing Eddie’s cheeks and jawline. Eddie’s hands run over the back of Buck’s neck and into his hair, he tugs gently. Buck moans as he’s pulled into another kiss, he breaks away and rests his head on Eddie’s chest.

“Slow, we need slow.”

Eddie nods breathlessly and presses a kiss on Buck’s head.

“As slow as you want.”

“Does Chris know? Is he okay with, you know, this?”

“He knows. He told me I couldn’t pick him up until it was clear to you that we both want you here, with us, forever.” Eddie smiles into Buck’s hair.

Buck pulls away from Eddie’s chest.

“Forever?”

“I love you, Buck. Our son loves you, we both want you here. Just say yes, stay, be my partner. Be mine, forever.”

He presses a soft, almost shy kiss to Buck’s lips. Buck smiles into the kiss and mumbles out a response. Eddie laughs.

“What?”

“I asked if you really just proposed.”

Eddie rolls his eyes.

“Not yet. You’ll know when it happens.”

“What makes you think I won’t do it?”

“Never said you couldn’t try. But you still haven’t answered, will you stay? Give us a chance?”

Buck nods and reaches for Eddie’s hands, bringing them up to kiss the back of Eddie’s hands.

“I love you, of course I’m staying.”

“Thank god.”

Buck laughs as he’s pulled into a hug. He nuzzles into Eddie before he looks at the boxes in front of them.

“We really do have to organize our house don’t we?”

Eddie laughs with him as he lets him go and looks around the house.

“We’re definitely keeping your plates.”