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Christmas Eve had Dan Howell wide awake and waiting with trepidation for the bells, the sound of heavy footsteps, anything to satisfy the proof he’d been searching for. He didn’t just want to see that ‘ol Saint Nick had left presents for him in the next morning—he wanted to believe it.
In years past, he’d do as his parents told him: slide under the covers and fall asleep before Santa arrives… but not tonight. The kids in school grew bold beside him, sneering and laughing as he told them of the presents Santa left him for Christmas.
They didn’t believe him; they had their own beliefs: that Santa wasn’t real.
Dan didn’t want to hear any of it, but that was two years ago, their beliefs turned into his beliefs, and he was never more desperate for the final evidence that they were right along. It was certainly easier to accept their truth than to be teased and made fun of for his, that’s for sure—and yet there was but a shred of hope.
Tiny—and just barely there—hope still existed that maybe, just maybe, Santa Claus was real after all.
His eyes finally flutter closed, deciding that maybe it’d be best if he never knew, but it was the feeling of the ground rumbling beneath him that roused him awake faster than ever before. Dan’s room shook violently as he bolted upright, sat frozen in place and holding his breath as shadows passed his window. The undeniable sound of a train hooted and collided with his eardrums.
He tried to make out what was zooming past, but the strange fog on his window obscured his view. Curiosity piqued and sudden adrenaline pumping through him, so he grabbed a jacket, put on some slippers, and hurried out of his room and out the front door to see what it could be.
Dan’s eyes squinted, still unable to see what it was through the fog and frost, but instinct was able to tell him exactly what it was.
Dan’s suspicion was soon confirmed as the fog faded to reveal an enormous metal train.
“All aboard! Aaaaaalll aboard!”
The silhouette of man outside the entrance of the train caught Dan’s attention with his holler. He took slow, hesitant steps forward, feet trudging through deep snow. Though every thought in his mind screamed at him to think about this logically before doing much else, his curiosity was much stronger.
“Well? You coming?” The man asked once Dan was stood before him.
“To where exactly?”
“To the North Pole, of course! This is the Polar Express.” His voice echoed out in so much certainty that Dan let out a nervous laugh, shaking his head in doubt.
“That’s funny. You think I’ll believe this train is going to the North Pole?” He challenged.
“Only one way to find out.”
The Conductor was only met with silence as Dan stood his ground for a moment, common sense reappearing and telling him this was all a joke, would all be a prank, and he’d be the stupid one to fall for it. The North Pole. Ha! That couldn’t be right.
“I see,” The Conductor observed before turning his clipboard around so the younger boy could read it. “Is this you?”
Sure enough, Dan Howell was etched at the top of the paper in a neat scrawl. Even as Dan nodded and hadn’t a clue of how the guy got his name in the first place, he still didn’t budge and wasn’t willing to give in just yet.
“Did not leave milk and cookies out this year,” he read off from the clipboard, “Did not help parents decorate, did not help your brother with his letter to Santa, and it looks to me like you’re not in the best shape, in need of hope. It would be in your best interest to get on this train, kiddo.”
Silence again. Dan looked down at his feet. It won’t be real. It won’t be real…
“If you’re sure. Suit yourself,” The Conductor took a step up so that he was on the train. “Well, have a Merry Christmas.”
He shot one last look before he waved and the train was roared back to life, slowly gaining speed as it moved along the tracks.
It won’t be real. It won’t be real. It won’t be real.
–But if it was? There’s only one way to find out.
And then Dan was running. He nearly tripped over his own feet in his haste to catch up with the train that was starting to move faster and faster. The opening wasn’t too far now. Dan took a deep breath and with all his might, took one last sprint and leapt, grabbed ahold of the railing, and groaned as he collided against the door.
He just barely made it and he exhaled in relief. The wind whooshed against him and he smiled, glad that he managed to succeed despite how difficult that task initially was.
Lights and civilization faded with each second that passed and there Dan stood, wondering what to do next. The obvious answer, of course, was to join the other children that he could see and hear singing with glee you wonder if you’ll get there soon, anybody’s guess ‘cause that’s the way things happen on the Polar Express. But that didn’t mean he wanted to.
Dan kept his head low when entering the compartment. He found an empty seat and sat, naturally shrinking in on himself as he finally took in the sight of the interior. It was pretty; dare he say it, had a magical quality to it, but he hadn’t warmed up to the idea quite yet.
He watched as the other children laughed, sang, and played with one another, not being able to help a twinge of sadness that surged through him. He briefly locked eyes with a brown haired boy on the seat across from him.
He quickly looked back down, staring at nothing in particular. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to come on here in the first place. What possessed him to change his mind anyway? He couldn’t fathom what he’d get out of this, except for maybe disappointment—or far worse, a truth that no one else would believe from him.
He’s been there, done that, and frankly, does not want to be back there or do that again. For such a young age, he was already far too conscious about what behavior was acceptable and what simply wasn’t, what it meant to fit in, or stand out in a bad way.
Dan was then pulled out of his thoughts by a tap on his shoulder and looked up to see the brown-haired boy.
“The name’s Phil. It’s nice to meet you!” He exclaimed, beaming at Dan. His blue eyes were kind and smile polite as he extended his hand for Dan to shake in an exaggerated fashion.
Yet again, Dan did nothing and only stared at Phil’s hand.
“Aw, c’mon! Don’t tell me you don’t know how to shake a hand…,” Phil teased, hand still out and waiting to be shook. When Dan soon realized the other boy wasn’t going to leave any time soon, he gave in. Phil grinned even wider in response. “That’s more like it.”
Phil then gave him another look and motioned for Dan to scoot to give him room to sit. Not finding anymore room to argue, Dan slid over.
“You don’t look very happy,” Phil observed once he was sat. The other boy practically bounced in his seat. “We’re going to the North Pole. Isn’t that cool? Imagine what it’d look like. The snow, Santa’s elves, we might even see Santa!”
“I dunno about that…” At Phil’s questioning look, he continued, “What if we don’t see Santa?”
“Then we won’t see Santa.”
“Wouldn’t you be sad?”
“No,” Phil shrugged. “Why would I be?”
“I would be upset if I wanna see Santa and I don’t. Then how would I know for sure he’s real?”
Phil titled his head to the side and looked at Dan, thinking about Dan’s probably not hypothetical question. Before he could even try saying something in response, The Conductor returned and asked for everyone to have their tickets ready.
“Ticket, please.” He said, standing in front of Dan. The boy shook his head.
“I don’t have a ticket.”
“Check your pocket.”
Dan’s eyebrows knit together as he reached into the pocket of his jacket, not sure what the man was going on about—and then he felt it.
Impossibly, he slowly pulled out a golden ticket that had the words “The Polar Express, Round Trip” printed on the front. He couldn’t help but stare at it mesmerized, unable to comprehend how something so beautiful managed to find its way into his pocket. Magical, indeed. The Conductor coughed to get Dan’s attention and he snapped back in reality, handing the ticket to him.
The Conductor sporadically punched holes throughout the ticket, staring at it in concentration while flakes of gold fell to the ground and on Dan. Eventually, he stopped and handed the ticket back. Dan turned it over and saw The Conductor had punched in the letters ‘B’ and ‘E’ onto it.
“I wonder what that means,” Phil said from beside him, holding up his own now-punched ticket. His, instead, had the letters “I” and “E” punched in.
Dan couldn’t help but notice how smiley Phil was, and though confused, he was still smiling at the possibilities of what it could mean.
A part of him wished things could be as easy as things seemed to be for Phil. To be naturally excited about everything in life.
“What?” Phil asked, suddenly taking notice of Dan’s staring.
“I’m Dan, by the way,” he said, self-conscious.
“Nice to meet you, Dan.” He giggled, then his eyes sparkled and he bounced up and down as he remembered something. “Oh! I was going to say: I don’t need to see Santa to know he’s real.”
“Then how do you know?” He asked, once again desperate for this one particular answer but for an entirely different reason.
“Wanna know a secret?” Phil got closer to Dan so he could whisper in his ear. “I’m psychic.”
“No you aren’t,” Dan said, pushing the other boy’s shoulder lightly. Phil laughed, his tongue poking out to the side.
“No, I’m not a psychic,” He admitted. “But I just know. My mum calls it institution!”
“Intuition?”
“Uh-huh! You get me! And you wanna know something else? I’m intuitioning this is gonna be a trip I’ll never forget!”
Things ran smoothly after that. Dan began to laugh, joke around, and talk with Phil in the hour that followed. He never had someone he could call a true friend before, but in that short amount of time, Phil was already referring to him as a friend. It was a nice feeling.
The Conductor came out and served every child a cup of hot cocoa, and Dan sat in awe at the extravagant display before him. It was unlike anything he’s ever seen before, with waiters tapping their feet, dancing, and still delicately placing cups in front of them. Perhaps Phil was really onto something. He didn’t know how he’ll ever be able to forget this.
There was something about Phil that made any doubt he had prior to this train ride slowly melt away. As Phil believed, Dan was surely finding his way there, too. Excitement was building within him as they neared the North Pole. The snow was thick, every child grew rowdy, anticipation was infectious.
At one point during the journey, Phil had risen from his seat and motioned for Dan to follow him. He made a point to shush and tell him to stay quiet as they moved toward the back of the train. They pushed the door and felt the crisp, cold air tickle their nose and hug their bodies. Dan was about to complain and ask if they could go back, but then he saw it.
It’s as if the night sky had been painted with strokes of green, purple, pink, and blue. He’s never seen such rich and vibrant colors in his entire life and again he stood at a loss for words, staring up mesmerized. They must be close now.
“I heard a fox does this,” Phil said after some silence. Dan slid his hands into his pockets to get some warmth as he turned his head to look at Phil. “There’s a story I read that a mystical fox’s tail sprays snow and throws these colors into the sky.”
“I’ve heard they’re spirits of hunted animals,” Dan said in return with a shrug. Phil grinned, then burst into giggles, and Dan couldn’t help but join in with him.
Santa had been seen and Dan felt like he could cry. The evidence he’s been searching for was right before his eyes and he could care less about it. He was absolutely bursting with joy and happiness once the train had pulled into the North Pole.
One by one, they all went up to sit on Santa’s lap and he asked what they wanted for Christmas. Dan thought hard about his answer, never thinking he would be able to come up with one. Honestly, he wanted nothing more than to always feel as happy as he did in that moment. And that was exactly what he told to Santa.
The Christmas tree gleamed and towered over them all and it could’ve been millions of elves that waited around Santa and his sleigh. Dan saw the reindeer, the gigantic bag of presents on the sleigh, and he found himself jumping and cheering along with everyone as Santa prepared for take off. He locked eyes with Phil and they screamed with glee, the sight before them almost unbelievable. His mouth was agape as the sleigh lifted off the ground until Santa disappeared into a twinkle in the sky.
As they returned to the train, The Conductor punched their tickets for the last time. Dan watched as Phil’s was punched and handed back to him. Phil turned it over to read the word ‘INSPIRE’.
“You’re a special one,” The Conductor said. “You have kindness and imagination in your heart. Don’t be afraid to show others it’s okay to be special, too.”
He cast a look toward Dan and the two boys smiled. He tilted his head to the side and Phil nodded before walking up the steps to board the train. He then turned to Dan and asked for his ticket, doing the same, punching in letters to form a word. Dan read ‘BELIEVE’ on the front.
“And for you, don’t doubt what’s in your heart. You have more wisdom than you think. Believe in the things most important to you, but most importantly, believe in yourself. Got it, kiddo?”
A small smile formed on Dan’s face as he looked up at the man, nodding his head eagerly before he joined Phil in their seat on the train.
Dan plopped onto the seat and a yawn escaped him before he could stop it. It had been a long night.
“Tired?” Phil asked. Dan nodded and sunk back in his seat, head lightly leaning against the older boy’s shoulders as he stared at the tree that slowly began to fade out of view.
Dan didn’t want to go home. It was something he realized too late once the Polar Express stopped outside of his house.
Back to reality, he supposed. He slowly got up and walked toward the door.
“Dan,” Phil said. Dan turned to see Phil with his hand outstretched. “It was nice to meet you.”
Dan spared the handshake and instead pulled him into a hug.
“Thank you, Phil,” he whispered, still holding onto him. “This was the most fun I’ve ever had.”