Chapter Text
Balance
Setting: After Volume II
Azula hadn't really given it conscious thought, but she really had expected to be the only princess at the South Pole. But, to be fair, after the fall of the Earth Kingdom, it was believed for many years that she was the only princess in the entire world.
It didn't bother nor threaten her. Princess Yue, formerly of the Northern Water Tribe and apparently one of its state secrets before its fall, was not Katara- Aang didn't look at Yue at all in that way. (Not that he looked at Katara like that anymore, either. He was trying for Azula. She had to try for him, too.) He was probably one of the few men around who didn't. Hahn and Sokka weren't stingy with their longing gazes, to Azula's more-than-a-little-sadistic delight. And people in general tended to watch whenever Yue regally strode within their midst, even if it was just on the way to the icy communal outhouse. Yue must have found it tiresome, Azula was sure, but she never showed any sign of it. In that way, she was a true princess, hiding her human frailties and gliding above the rest of humanity.
But Azula- well, she would never forget that she was royalty. But it had been a long time since had been able to consistently hide her frailties.
And there was more to her, now. She was still a threat to Zuko, now aiding the resistance to his worldwide rule. She was partner to the Avatar and wife to Aang. She was a progenitor to the new Air Nation and mother to Jampa. And although she hadn't been able to summon lightning since before she left the Caldera, she was still one of the greatest Firebenders alive, if not the best. And now she was a student of the magics of Guru Pathik, as passed down by Avatar. It was more than most people would ever have or be.
But sometimes Azula wondered how much of her was still Azula. At what point would she change so much that only her name would remain?
Azula was somewhat taken aback when one evening she came back to the glorified igloo she shared with Aang to find Yue siting in the center of the floor of the common space, close to the firepit with her fur coat spread out around her like a gown, holding Jampa in her lap and cooing, "Woony woony woo!" while she poked her nose into his belly. Jampa flailed his limbs ecstatically as his shrill laughter echoed off the ice-walls.
"Is that a traditional Water Tribe lullaby," Azula said as she shook off the snow and kneeled in front of the fire, "or are you a composer in addition to a living spiritual nexus?" She took off her own coat but left her hat on, lest the tangle it no had doubt had made of her hair was revealed to fellow royalty.
Yue, of course, always had her hair perfectly braided, looped, and bejeweled like a queen.
But Yue was now giving a decidedly unregal smirk, the expression twisting the black semicircle on her left cheek. With the similar white semicircle on her right cheek -- the two halves of yin and yang -- she might have given off an otherworldly air, but her wide eyes and friendly smiles did much to soften her.
Only the seemingly infinite darkness behind her gaze, something Azula wasn't always sure was actually there, was testament that she was more than a mere tattooed princess playing at spirituality. Yue was, in a way, a new Avatar- just without the history and publicity, lucky her. Sometimes Azula wondered if Aang was jealous or threatened by Yue, but asking about it would reveal more about Azula herself than her husband, she thought.
Yue booped her nose against Jampa's belly again, prompting another squeal of laughter, and said, "It's far from a lullaby, but it has been passed down through countless generations. I'm told my own mother did it for me, although I have a hard time imagining it. But I have no real memories of her, honestly. I lost her while I was still very young." She gazed down at Jampa with that infinite depth. "I wonder what this child will remember of me when he is grown."
Azula wasn't sure if that was a wistful yet foreboding musing or just part of a performance, so she gave a slight shrug and leaned forward to take her son. "Well, if you're looking to be remembered as his favorite babysitter, you're outstripping the competition. I'm certain I left him in Sokka's care this morning when I went to consult with Jiang and Katara."
"You did," Yue giggled. "There was a problem with the construction on the east tower and he- um, I think he decided to involve himself. So he left Jampa with Elder Kanna. But then she was called to assist in the healing hut -- Master Wei ate something he shouldn't have, I'm told, and she brews a particularly effective tonic for that malady -- and that's not a good place for a baby. Is it?" She turned to Jampa shook her head so that the glistening white loops and tails of her complicated hair-style flopped around. He laughed, not quite as loud as before, and futilely tried to grab at them. "Fortunately, I happened to be nearby and volunteered to help." She handed Jampa over to Azula, and he immediately grabbed onto his mother's nose.
Azula gave a little snort into his palm. "Well, thank you. I'm sure you have enough demands on your time without this little man demanding constant entertainment." Normally, Aang happily kept Jampa at his side whenever Azula needed some freedom, but being the only resistance-member capable of flight and high-speed travel meant that sometimes he was needed away from home. The people of the Southern Water Tribe insisted it was no burden to assist with Jampa's care, that the raising of children was the shared responsibility of the community, but Azula dreaded the day when someone asked her to pay back all the babysitting time by taking care of someone else's children. The only thing worse would be if no one ever asked her at all, considering the implications.
"Actually," Yue said as Jampa started repeatedly smacking Azula's nose, "I was grateful for the chance to speak to you."
Azula took a moment to catch her son's hand, give him a shake of her head, and clearly say, "No." Then she turned him upside-down so that he could find amusement in the persistent nature of gravity while she gave Yue her full attention. "I wasn't aware it was so difficult to attain an audience with me. And if you didn't know where I lived, following the bald man with the big blue arrow on his head is a very reliable strategy when he's not making trouble somewhere."
Yue laughed, a sound so much lighter than that darkness behind her eyes. "My apologies, I didn't mean to make it sound so dramatic. But I lived for so long in the Northern Tribe's palace, apart from so many. And then my time in hiding and exile left me little opportunity to practice more casual socializing. To be honest, I've been a little anxious about just knocking on your door and asking to come in."
Azula had to admit that she could sympathize. She still wasn't entirely sure how friendly gatherings worked when she didn't summon someone to her palace or her husband didn't just bring a group to their home without advance notice. It seemed it wasn't something about which princesses anywhere were educated. "Well, I hereby give you my promise that I will only breathe fire on you if bring along that clod Hahn. We princesses have to stick together, you know."
"We do. And to that end, I've been wanting to help you. Your husband mentioned that he's training you in the ways of the Spirit World."
Azula said nothing. She turned Jampa right-side-up before he started vomiting and settled him in the one-armed hold she was getting so good at, then turned to pretend to tend the fireplace. She could have taken over the flame with a thought and a motion, but there was no physical threat here. And even if there was, she probably could have laid Yue out with one good punch, no flames required.
"Aang wasn't speaking out of turn," Yue said. "That was all he said about it. I could sense your difficulties for myself."
"Difficulties?!" Azula swung around to face this intruder in her stupid ice-home, Jampa carefully cradled so that he wouldn't fall. "I'm not trying to visit the Spirit World or whatever you think. I seek no escape from reality."
Yue merely nodded, a kind smile situated between the yin and the yang. "I know. But the Spirit World is not a place far away. It is here. Around us. With us. It is possible to enter it fully, to leave our bodies behind and journey with it, but a part of us always inhabits it. You are seeking to become aware of that, to add it to your perceptions. I sensed when you and Aang touched the Spirit World in the Southern Seas, and I can sense when you reach out to it here. That's a good thing, as it means you're on the right path!"
That little speech reminded Azula all too much of Aang when he was in one of his Avatar moods. Perhaps it was the earnestness, something that often accompanied enthusiasm for spiritual matters. It was something Azula had often looked to exploit in others. But from the sound of it, this princess and spiritual embodiment was offering her service to Azula.
"And is this something," Azula said, keeping her voice casual, "that the Moon and the Ocean Spirits told you?"
Yue shook her head. "They reside in me, take shelter in me, but they don't talk to me. We are too Intertwined for that. I am the shelter for their push and pull, the eye of their storm. That is what allows me to feel things through the Spirit World. To sense the balance of tribe- and the imbalances within it. Not that you are an imbalance!" She reached over and took Azula's free hand. "But the paddling of any beginner creates eddies in the currents."
Azula was going to call that a load nonsense, but then Jampa, apparently tired of the grownups talking and not paying attention to him, blew a burst of air that knocked Azula's hat right off her head. Her newly freed hair flopped down over her face. She sighed, looked her little Airbender straight in the eyes, and clearly said, "No." Then she reached for one of the rattles Sokka had supposedly designed for him to encourage the growth of his intelligence and shook it in his face as a distraction.
While she performed for her son, Azula looked back to Yue and said, "And what eddies does Yue -- not the spirits which reside within her -- make? Is there enough left of you to be distinct?"
Yue blinked.
Her smile faded. She sat back.
And she turned all too human eyes on Azula as she said, "Not as much as I'd like. Not as much as Sok- as some want. I envy you, in that way."
"Envy?" Azula put the rattle in Jampa's hands. "What exactly do you envy?"
"You are a princess of the Fire Nation. You are wife to the Avatar. You are the mother to the first new Airbender in a hundred years. And all you do for the tribe and the resistance. And yet you are still so very much a person named Azula." Yue attempted another smile, crinkling the yin and yang. "And Azula is not a person who is very easy to lose."
Perhaps the same could be said for Yue, too.
Azula made her own attempt at a smile. "What you're saying sounds like meaningless metaphors to me, but I suppose that's a good indication you know what you're talking about. I'm about as good as asking for help as you are at knocking on doors, but perhaps you can find time amidst your- ah, spiritual responsibilities? Find time to assist in my own esoteric education?"
"It would be my honor, Princess Azula. But-" She opened her mouth to continue but then immediately closed it again, turning her head towards the firepit.
"Yes?" Was this where payment would be demanded? Or perhaps some demand for subservience? Were the princesses establishing a hierarchy?
Yue turned back with a blush coloring the skin beneath the tattoos on her cheek. "I wanted to know if you'd like to share some dinner? Since Aang is away?"
The silence was filled with Jampa's attempts at shaking the rattle, but he was mostly just holding it while flailing, creating minimal rattling. Azula took the rattle between of her fingers, leaving it still in Jampa's grasp, and shook it for him in demonstration.
Then she said, "It would be nice to dine together."
Yue gave a clap. "Excellent! I've been learning to cook, so you can see to Jampa and I can make something for us. I hope you like fish!"
"Fish is fine. Has Katara been giving you cooking lessons?"
"Ah, no. To be honest, I'm- still getting used to the cooking styles of the Southern Water Tribe. Is- will that be a problem?"
Azula shook her son's rattle again. "Not at all. I'm more interested in what we can do together than trying to cook like the Southern Water Tribe."
END