Work Text:
lamborguinea:
did anyone win the christmas event?
I lost…
hottie giraffe:
hyung lost…
happy jellyfish:
me too… ㅠㅠ
lamborguinea:
T^T
it’s okay…
it’s not the end of the world
hottie giraffe:
I can feel you sulking all the way through the phone…
lamborguinea:
I’m not!
it’s really okay
it’s not a big deal
it’s not like it’s the first time I lost his event ㅎㅎ
happy jellyfish:
but it’s christmas!!
it feels illegal that everyone’s spending it with dohoon except you!!
his REAL boyfriend!!
lamborguinea:
“real boyfriend” ?
does he have a fake one?
ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
The one thing no one had prepared Youngjae for when it came to dating an idol was…well—just how many events he would have to apply for just to catch a glimpse of his own boyfriend, only to lose.
Every single one.
Not being able to pull Dohoon photocards after spending over ₩100,000 on albums had already been discouraging enough. Now, as he was slowly being introduced to more offline events, now that he was comfortable enough to be in the presence of idol Kim Dohoon, it felt even more defeating to open his email only to find no winning notice waiting for him.
Sitting around, pacing back and forth while anxiously waiting for results, just to find out you didn’t win always felt like a blow to the gut, no matter how many times he went through it.
In fact, it only became more gut-wrenching each time, the anxiety climbing higher and higher with every event he applied to.
Dohoon didn’t know about any of it, of course. He had told Youngjae more than once to save his money, insisting that if he really wanted to get into an event, he could just say the word. The organizers could always pull a few strings—anything would be better than Youngjae blowing his entire paycheck on nothing more than a chance.
But Youngae knew better than anyone else—perhaps even more than Dohoon, unfortunately—that doing that was a terrible idea. If caught, Dohoon’s career would be totally over this time around, and he wouldn’t be able to get away with going on another hiatus like he had during his debut year when he ran into his first dating scandal.
Secondly, Youngjae didn’t feel comfortable taking away rightful winner’s spots. He had always been a justice kind of person, the type to play fair and square even if others were to step on him and play dirty without a second thought.
That was the exact reason why he had struggled so much at his old office job, the one that put him under so much stress that he ended up developing a stomach ulcer. He hadn’t quit right away, because he didn’t want to seem like a failure.
It took being hospitalized, having his parents contacted because of how serious his condition was, and watching his family cry over how he was practically working himself to death before he finally handed in his resignation letter.
Youngjae was stubborn to a fault, a character trait that showed no signs of fading, even when it left him feeling a little bit… lonely, having to spend Christmas alone this year.
The other years, he hadn’t minded as much. He didn’t have a partner anyway, so it had never felt like he was missing out. But this year was different. This year, he finally had a boyfriend, and somehow, having one without getting the chance to spend any time together felt lonelier than when he’d been single.
He already knew about the winter comeback, so he had expected Dohoon to be busy around the holidays. What he hadn’t expected was a schedule that landed right on Christmas itself, a day Youngjae had been quietly, secretly looking forward to.
It was hard not to anticipate a little Christmas romance when Youngjae’s office sat right outside one of the busiest streets, bustling with couples this time of year, a sight he saw every time he took the subway home after work.
Obviously, Youngjae knew he and Dohoon would never have the same luxuries as other couples. They couldn’t freely hold hands on the street, grab dinner together after a long day, or go on regular, ordinary dates without worry.
And he was one hundred percent okay with that, really. His love for Dohoon ran far deeper than something that could be measured by how much time they were able to spend together.
But still…he really, really wanted to see Dohoon on Christmas, even if it was just for a split second. That was why waiting for the results of the Christmas event had been more nerve-wracking than usual, and why it hit him like a punch when he kept refreshing his email after work, only to find it empty.
The only chance he had of seeing his boyfriend on Christmas was gone, and Youngjae felt so hollow he was tempted to grab a bottle of soju from the convenience store on his way home.
The only reason he hadn’t, however, was that just as Dohoon seemed to know exactly how low he was feeling, he went live, and Youngjae rushed back to his apartment to get a better wifi connection.
Youngjae clicked on the live mid-run, and Dohoon’s face appeared on the screen, staring straight into the camera as if he were looking right at him. In an instant, all the heavy thoughts in his head vanished, replaced by a rush of dopamine and warmth.
A smile spread across his face as his fingers swiped across the keyboard with ease, sending a message that joined the hundreds streaming in real time in the chatbox.
lamborguinea 🐺❤️
Dohoon-ah!!
Good evening
Hyung just got off work ㅋㅋㅋ
He hadn’t expected Dohoon to see it. After all, the chatbox filled up so fast, especially at the start of every live. But the moment Youngjae plugged in his wired earphones and put on his earbuds, he jumped in surprise when Dohoon had read his comment out loud, his wide grin matching the one on Youngjae’s face.
“You just got off work, hyung?” he chuckled, looking straight into the camera, his eyes gentle. “Lucky, I’m still at work.” He laughed, and the chatbox went wild with fans spamming jokes about work.
Youngjae giggled and sent another comment, a phrase his fans often used. It was safe enough not to raise suspicion, but it still let him show how he felt.
lamborguinea 🐺❤️
Dohoon-ah, make sure to get plenty of rest too
And don’t skip your meals
Hyung is always cheering you on!
I love you ❤️
Youngjae didn’t know if Dohoon had seen the comment. He had looked away from his phone for just a moment to sprint across the street as the pedestrian signal counted down the last few seconds. By the time he reached the other side of the sidewalk, his data failed him, and Dohoon’s live started to buffer before cutting out completely.
Winter nights were always cold, but this year felt especially cold with all the snow outside. Youngjae remembered the first year he moved to Seoul for work, how he had loved the snow so much that he always ran outside to build a snowman at the first snowfall and not going back inside until he was sneezing so much that his nose turned as red as Rudolph’s.
But now, at twenty-five, his body was more sensitive to the cold, and he couldn’t last outside for more than ten minutes without risking getting sick.
Maybe it was somewhere in between developing a stomach ulcer, his health slowly deteriorating, and the toxic work cycle that had sucked the life and joy out of him, until he could no longer find happiness in the little things life had to offer.
He had thought meeting Dohoon brought more joy to his life, but it seemed more like Dohoon was the only joy in his life, and without him, everything felt…bleak and boring.
But then again, that was probably how the majority of Dohoon’s fans felt too, right? To them, he was a shining star in the darkness, giving light to their paths and filling their lives with joy just by his presence.
So this is what being a fan feels like, Youngjae thought, burying himself deep into his blanket and pulling it up to cover half his face against the cold. As he drifted toward sleep that night, he couldn’t help but wonder how many fans felt just as disappointed as he did—the ones who hadn’t received a winning email.
And then he felt guilty for feeling this way, even though he had the luck of being Dohoon’s boyfriend, to have him in ways other fans could only dream of.
Because in the end, it really did boil down to luck—luck, coincidence, and a little bit of fate.
Luck that Youngjae had quit his job just as Dohoon was forced on hiatus, coincidence that they ended up on the same bus back to Gimhae that night, and fate that they stayed in the same town while trying to rebuild their lives and reputation.
Just before the comfortable silence and darkness carried him to sleep, the image of Dohoon from their first meeting pulled a smile across Youngjae’s face, and when that same Dohoon lingered in his dreams, Youngjae didn’t feel so lonely anymore.
“I hope this is the last Christmas I spend with you hyungs,” Jihoon said with a dramatic sigh, lifting his cup of beer and giving it a small shake. “Cheers to being single for the twenty-fourth year in a row!” he chirped.
The three glasses clinked together in the air, foam sloshing over the rims, and then all three of them tipped their heads back and started chugging without pause.
Youngjae was the first to finish. He lowered his glass with a breath, his throat burning with every swallow, but it was a good kind of sting that warmed him.
From across the table, Junghwan glanced at him, his brows knitting just slightly. Youngjae wasn’t sure if he was reading too much into it as he set his empty glass down with a dull thud, hard enough to get the ice rattling against the sides. He winced, biting back a burp, and wiped the lingering alcohol from his lips with the back of his hand.
“Youngjae hyung, why are you drinking like you got your heart broken?” Jihoon snickered, leaning his elbow on the table. His face carried the usual playful grin, though his eyes flickered with a hint of concern.
“Huh?” Youngjae blinked at the two of them across the table, then let out a low chuckle. The alcohol hit him all at once, warmth rushing to his face. “How does one even drink alcohol like a heartbroken person…?”
“Oh my gosh,” Jihoon slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes widening in exaggerated shock. He leaned closer, lowering his voice like he was about to spill a secret. “Youngjae hyung, did you have a fight with you know who?”
“Yah!” Junghwan scolded immediately, grabbing the hood of Jihoon’s jacket and tugging him back into his seat. “You’re going to knock something over if you keep moving like that.” He spared Youngjae a quick glance before turning back to Jihoon with a quiet click of his tongue. “And stop asking stupid questions.”
“It’s not stupid,” Jihoon huffed, swatting Junghwan’s hand away before settling back in his chair. He looked at Youngjae again, eyes narrowing a little. “It’s a valid question.”
Youngjae’s gaze moved between them, one openly nosy and the other careful not to push, and he couldn’t help letting out a soft laugh at how differently they showed their concern.
“There was no fight,” Youngjae said gently, reaching for his chopsticks and picking at a banchan dish, cucumber in one dish and seasoned bean sprouts in another. He chewed slowly, swallowed, then added, “I just haven’t really been in touch with him these days…”
“I knew it!” Jihoon blurted out at the same time Junghwan muttered, “It can’t be helped…”
The two immediately turned on each other, Jihoon glaring while Junghwan raised his hand halfway, ready to smack him. Jihoon yelped, “What?! I’m right, aren’t I?”
Amid the small chaos, just like the last time they sat here in the same restaurant, in the same seats, the YouTube playlist shifted from Christmas songs to a lineup of Dohoon’s solo cams. When Dohoon’s face appeared on the screen, Youngjae felt the mood lift without him even trying.
He always performed so gracefully on stage, and Youngjae’s heart swelled with pride every time he watched him. This time, he didn’t have to hold himself back. It was no longer a secret to his friends that they were dating, so he could keep his eyes on the TV while they ate, without worrying about them teasing him for acting like an otaku.
He poured himself another cup of beer, filling it to the brim, eyes still fixed on Dohoon as he wrapped up his performance. He drank until only ice was left, the glass clinking softly when he set it down.
Then he poured another. And then another.
Jihoon’s protest came too late. “Youngjae hyung, that’s enough!”
Junghwan’s arm stretched across the table, fingers closing around the glass as he pulled it away from Youngjae’s hand. The last thing Youngjae saw before everything blurred was Dohoon’s pretty smile, just as the TV switched to another performance. The room tilted, his head tipping to the side.
And then everything went quiet.
From: co-worker #1
Aegi-yah!
Tomorrow’s event got postponed to another day
Are you busy?
Can we meet? <3
From: YJ
YOUR AEGI IS DEAD
HE’S NOT WAKING UP 😭😭😭
From: co-worker #1
??
what.
From: YJ
sorry
that was jihoon
he’s also drunk so he’s being stupid right now
youngjae is fine…i think
we went out for dinner and he drank a lot
jihoon and i are staying with him at his apartment until he wakes up
From: co-worker #1
what?
did something happen to him?
he’s not the type to drink like this…
From: YJ
he applied for your christmas event and lost
he’s been feeling bummed out about it ever since
he didn’t tell you?
When Youngjae came to, it felt like his head had split in two. The weight and pain were unbearable, and even the slightest lift of his head to check the time made his vision spin, ripping a low, pained groan from his throat.
He dropped back onto the bed with a heavy sigh, one hand thrown over his eyes to shield himself from the pale morning light filtering through the curtain.
Crap, it was morning already? He had meant to text Dohoon Merry Christmas right at midnight, but then he was out with Junghwan and Jihoon at their usual favorite restaurant, and then he had watched Dohoon’s performance on the TV, and then… and then what happened?
Before he could piece his memories together, a voice called out to him, low and firm.
“Youngjae-yah.”
Youngjae’s eyes snapped open, and his body shot upright so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash. His head throbbed and his vision spun as he turned toward the voice, blinking rapidly to clear the haze, only to let out a gasp.
“Dohoon!” he blurted, eyes wide, all traces of sleepiness gone. “Kim Dohoon!” He pressed a hand over his mouth in shock, then let it drop to his lap. “W-what are you doing here? Don’t you have a schedule today?”
“It got postponed,” Dohoon said, shifting slightly as he sat up fully. Unlike Youngjae, he looked like he had been awake for hours already, with no trace of sleepiness in his unusually serious eyes.
“Oh…” Youngjae breathed, swallowing hard as his stomach tightened. His brows pinched together in confusion. So many questions crowded his mind—When did you get here? How was the Japan tour? When is your next music show?—and the most important one of all slipped out before he could stop himself—
“Are you going to leave soon?”
Ah. Maybe that had been the wrong question. Dohoon’s expression darkened at once, his lips pressing into a thin line.
“Youngjae-yah,” he murmured, letting out a heavy sigh that carried both frustration and disappointment as he ran a hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Youngjae let out a small, nervous laugh, shifting slightly on the bed as he tried to hide how startled he felt.
“Tell you what?”
“That you applied for my Christmas event,” Dohoon said, his voice laced with hurt. His eyes softened slightly as he continued, “You were disappointed because we couldn’t spend Christmas together, right? And instead of telling me, you went out and drank so much that you didn’t wake up for hours.”
Dohoon’s chest rose visibly with each breath, and Youngjae’s own chest tightened, panic surging through him. His eyes went wide at the realization, his breathing quickening as his stomach fluttered.
“Do you know how worried I was?” Dohoon pressed on, inching closer to Youngjae, though not close enough to touch. “Just how much did you—” He paused to inhale sharply, his voice cracking as his fingers ran through his hair. “How much did you even drink for you to pass out like that?”
Youngjae flinched at the words, lowering his head in shame.
“I’m sorry, Dohoon-ah…” he muttered, his face burning hot. “It’s just…I felt a bit...lonely...when I saw you on TV...that’s all.” He could feel warm tears brimming in his eyes as he finally lifted his gaze to meet Dohoon’s, whose expression had softened considerably.
“I know it’s selfish of me—” Youngjae blurted, shifting to his knees, eyes widening as the next words tumbled out messily. “You’re so busy, and yet, I can’t help but want more of your time. It’s so stupid, isn’t it?” His hands shook as he clenched them together on his lap. “I’m sorry for being so inconsiderate—mmph!”
Suddenly, Dohoon surged forward, crashing their mouths together. The rush was so sudden their teeth clashed for a second, sharp and startling, before pleasure flooded through Youngjae when Dohoon slid his tongue against his, kissing him with desperate urgency.
Youngjae’s hands, which had hung awkwardly in the air, flew to Dohoon’s hips, holding him and tilting his head to deepen the angle. Dohoon gripped Youngjae’s jaw to keep him in place, pressing their lips harder together until their breaths mingled.
Youngjae tapped lightly at Dohoon’s waist, signaling he was running out of air, and Dohoon reluctantly pulled back. Their faces were flushed, eyes dark and hazy with desire, and Youngjae felt a burning heat spread through him from the intensity of their kiss.
“Why are you apologizing?” Dohoon asked, breathless, still panting lightly as he held Youngjae’s gaze. His hand cradled Youngjae’s face softly. “Don’t apologize for wanting to spend more time with your boyfriend. I’d rather have you complain to me than get wasted behind my back.”
“But—” Youngjae sputtered, a string of protests on the tip of his tongue, but the words died when he saw the lingering hurt in Dohoon’s eyes. “Nevermind…” he muttered, choosing to drop it. “I’m sorry for making you worried, Dohoon-ah.” His eyes wavered as they met Dohoon’s intense stare. “I won’t do it again, so stop giving me that look already…”
Dohoon still looked a little bothered, but a small smile cracked through, easing the tension. He leaned in for another kiss, and Youngjae met him eagerly, their lips brushing and pressing together again and again, both of them reaching for the closeness they craved.
Just before things could escalate further—which Youngjae didn’t mind but needed to get a few more words out—he pulled back slightly. His hands found Dohoon’s, gently entwining their fingers before he spoke again.
“I don’t even remember drinking that much,” Youngjae said with a soft chuckle, running his fingers over Dohoon’s knuckles. “But my head feels so heavy now…” he admitted, lips pursed.
“And you’re supposed to be the responsible one, Youngjae-yah,” Dohoon half-scolded, though his tone carried no real bite. “You’re the hyung here, aren’t you?” One hand untangled to pinch Youngjae’s cheek, smirking faintly when Youngjae let out a soft whine. “You’re five years older, and yet I’m always the one having to look out for you.”
“That’s because you keep calling me a baby…” Youngjae huffed, letting Dohoon pull at his cheek without complaint. “Now I always feel like the younger one...”
“That’s fine with me,” Dohoon grinned, letting go of Youngjae’s cheek to cradle his face in his palm again. “I like you being my baby.”
Youngjae blinked in surprise, then let out a soft laugh, light and natural. He squeezed Dohoon’s hand gently before scooting closer, letting their knees bump together.
“Dohoon-ah… thank you for your words. I’ll try to be more honest with you from now on…”
Dohoon raised a brow, unconvinced, and Youngjae let out a startled chuckle, not expecting him to catch onto his little lie so fast.
“Okay, fine,” Youngjae huffed. “I’ll be somewhat honest with you—”
“Youngjae-yah…” Dohoon shot him a playful glare, giving his thigh a pinch. “That’s not good enough.”
Youngjae threw his hands in the air, exasperated.
“You’re an idol!” he protested, voice rising. “It’s not like I can demand much from you.”
“Are you challenging me?” Dohoon raised a brow, crossing his arms. Youngjae’s face burned red with frustration—how on earth had Dohoon misinterpreted his words, thinking a genuine concern was a challenge?!
“That’s not even what I meant!” Youngjae yelped, flustered as he waved his hands helplessly. “You know what I’m saying, don’t you? You’re just messing with me—”
“I don’t know, I don’t know—” Dohoon interrupted stubbornly, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. Without warning, he tackled Youngjae onto the bed, making Youngjae let out a squeal as he was suddenly pinned against the mattress.
“Let’s argue later. I want to make out with you right now,” Dohoon grinned, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.
Youngjae’s eyes widened, and a laugh of disbelief escaped him, prompting Dohoon to laugh too. He leaned in, and their lips found each other once more as their bodies tangled beneath Youngjae’s blanket.
Later, once they were relieved of their sexual feelings for each other, they cuddled on the couch. Dohoon wrapped his arms around Youngjae from behind, and Youngjae nestled between his legs, back pressed comfortably against Dohoon’s chest. They turned on a random Christmas movie and fell asleep while holding each other.
When darkness fell and the streets had emptied, Dohoon put on a mask, and they went outside to build a snowman in the fresh snow. It took them a full hour to finish because Dohoon kept teasing and goofing around, while Youngjae scrambled to find materials to decorate the snowman’s face with no help from Dohoon whatsoever.
They ended the night by taking a polaroid photo together.
Dohoon held the camera high, and they posed with peace signs, grinning at the camera. Just before the flash went off, Dohoon yanked down his mask and pulled Youngjae into a kiss—and the shutter clicked at the exact moment their lips met.