Archive of Our Own ^beta

Robin, an 80s Action Hero, perched upon one of the many tall buildings. Using a pair of binoculars to spy and gather Intel, something he has never done before and felt as if he were doing an amazing job!

"Wow, these humans are so far away! How'd we gonna catch up to them?" Robin asked no one in particular, watching the far away people and plants scavenging a garden store. A zombie wearing a traffic cone upon their head had reached over with a shaky hand, turning the binoculars around properly, leaving the archer briefly confused until his lifeless eyes stared through the new prospective. "They're so much closer! We so got this!" Behind Robin another archer goofed around with his bow, messing with a strange pink and red arrow that was unlike anything they've seen.

Fredrick poked the top a few times before stuffing his now pricked finger into his mouth, another zombie nearby laughing at the dimwit of the group.

"Let's get into position boys!" Robin called out to his team who immediately stood at attention with a shaky salute. The red head parted from the rest, preferring to make the first move before the others, jumping onto nearby rooftops and ledges that gave a boost to climb. Now Fredrick chose to stay back and provide much needed back up, he waddled close to the edge with his bow drawn and at the ready; Arrow pointing to wherever he could see.

Both cone heads and plain zombies headed out via the cracked road, closing in on the unsuspecting survivors. Even Robin seemed to be a few jumps and slides away. While he lay distracted waiting for his men to fall back, the archer hadn't heard the sound of shuffling leaves. A short blue figure menacingly lurked behind the man, round black eyes stared down with hatred. A sudden shiver shot down the zombie's spine as if the air got chillier. Fredrick took a risky glance over his shoulder, the area and figure blurred within his fuzzy vision but he knew this was an enemy no doubt about it!

Before the zombie could even whip around and land a shot, something solid and cold smacked into his sunken face; Green flesh tearing and bones breaking. An ice cold pea hitting it's target head on, frozen crystals breaking off the ball on impact. Green fingers slipped from string, releasing a golden arrow with a pink heart tip; It's destination anywhere but here. Robin grew closer to the humans and plants, it wouldn't be long before he opened fire upon the group- Just one last jump onto a building's ledge and he'll be ready.

The escapee arrow bounced off a walnut's hard exterior, chipping the outer casing and causing the nut to look around in confusion- Seeing nothing and would've shrugged if it were capable. Everything moved in slow motion for the flying point, shooting passed a jumping zombie before skittering to a halt, leaving a smoke trail in the air. It backed up, its magical eyes taking in the sight of a nicely shaped butt squeezed into tight jeans.

"Heh- he.~" It giggled, eyes looking from the booty to you, dear viewer, eyebrows wiggling with mischief.

Why are you doing this- Breaking the 4th wall!?

Shoo, already!

Before Robin could mantle onto the ledge, he let out a surprised scream, sudden pain hitting him right in the posterior causing the archer to miss the edge completely- Hands swiping at nothing and anything for purchase.

"AAAAHHHHHH!!!" He screamed all the way down, both Fredrick and the Ice Peashooter cringed and hid behind hands and pea pods, even as far as covering each other's eyes. Every time Robin landed on something- Fold out curtains, railings, and empty plant pots- Both Peashooter and Fredrick jumped in their own skin; Cringing with each hit the falling zombie experienced as if it were their own body.

An old beat up truck sat idly, engine running with a grumble, truck bed slowly filling up with supplies. You huffed, wiping the sweat from your forehead. You were lucky to come across a gardening shop still open, most businesses were shut down during the common zombie/plant war; Some places even profiting with loads of merch- Team Zombies and Team Plants alike; Clothes, food, and figurines, you name it!

You were secretly a fan of Mrs. Veilbiter. You've never met a plant that could look so gorgeous and deadly at the same time!

Hauling bags of soil and boxes of tools into the truck were difficult at first, you barely have the arm strength to even lift the heaviest of things, luckily you had a few plants to help out. It's so nice of Dave to lend you a few more plants then just the one peashooter.

"Phew! At least we're almost done!" You muttered, arms crossed as you went over your mental check list. Two cacti rested upon the truck bed, surveying the land for any possible threats that could arise as some peashooters and and an citron loaded up the rest of the many things. Out of nowhere, something wrapped up in cloths and tarps came crashing before you, a scream ripping forth from your wide mouth. You had jumped back in freight with wide [EYE COLOR] eyes, looking from the thing to where ever it came from in the sky. You and a few plants leaned over out of curiosity, nudging it with the tip of your foot; Discovering something solid laid underneath.

The stillness hadn't stayed long, whatever lay now struggled about. There were a few mutters of words and grumbles of annoyance here and there, clearly whoever it was seemed to be upset about their predicament. They did eventually found an opening, popping a head of red hair out with a sigh of relief, finally able to escape the trap he laid within.

This isn't a building. Where was he?

Robin glanced upwards in hopes to learn where he had fallen to, but only to discover someone staring back, unblinking eyes stared at one another, no words spoken- Not even a single twitch of a muscle. You stared at him and he stared back, both in shock at what had happened moments prior. In Robin's brown eyes, the world surrounding the human had dusted within several shades of pink, even hearts fluttered about before popping in the air.

You shined the brightest among all the hearts and pinks, the zombie couldn't tear is eyes away from your pretty face; The way you bit your lower lip and how your long lashes batted against rosy cheeks. Your glossy lips sure do look kissable and the way your [EYE COLOR] eyes drank in the muscled form of Robin had stirred something within the man. His once dead heart slowly started to beat, playing a song only his ears could hear.

Damn, you just look so gorgeous in the daylight.

You suddenly screamed in fright causing the zombie to return one of his own. All plants now turned their sights upon Robin,

"Uh oh." He muttered, slowly pulling the tarp back over his form as if that were to protect him.

"Ow. Ow. Ow." Robin repeated with every removal of a cactus prick, the pins falling to the floor below. Nurse Gargantuar held a pair of tweezers smaller then his large fingers could hold, pulling cactus pricks one at a time. Doctor Imp just stood upon the dirty cot on the opposite of Robin, just scribbling away in his little note pad- Words written in gibberish and in chicken scratch. The giant nurse was the only one to take care of the wounds caused by a Citron, a few peashooters, and of course those deadly cactus snipers.

Well the mission was a failure and Robin got quite an ear full from Zomboss himself, almost getting demoted in the process and a possible death. Robin just sat there staring off into space, getting lost within his own mind and running thoughts. The human from earlier sure had caught his attention, you were sure the prettiest human he's ever saw- The only pretty human. The archer remained staring off into the unknown as he proceeded throughout his day, everything seemingly being blocked out and hazy until he rested within a banged up bed surrounded by others of his kind- All 80s Action Heroes. The red headed man suddenly shot up with a sudden idea, nearly bumping his noggin' upon the upper bunk bed, a fist held up with his index finger pointing upwards.

He'll set everything up tonight and execute his plan during the day.

On the human side of suburbia of Neighborville, you rested upon a newly cleaned park bench, just having helped clean the local park up after the plants had reclaimed the location. The sun shined high in the blue sky, the sweat glistened upon your flesh as you gulped down an entire bottle of water.

Dang you were thirsty!

The old bench creaked and groaned from another weight, someone must've sat next to you, you don't mind as long as you continued with your lunch break. Something drapped along the bench's head board, nearly touching your shoulders. Taking a glance at the stranger who rudely just invaded your personal bubble. Your [EYE COLOR] eyes widen as you spat your water out followed closely by a cough, once refreshing liquid now splattered upon the pavement path, causing the grey blocks to darken.

"Hey." He said with a cocky smile, leaning in close to your form, sunglasses tipped downwards showing off dead eyes.

It's that zombie from yesterday!

You ended up losing your grasp upon the half filled plastic bottle, it fell to the ground with barely even a sound, just to shocked to even acknowledge it. You squeaked when the arm resting upon the bench head pulled you close to the rotting corpse, your hands pressed against his chest, feeling tight pecs under a white shirt, the jean vest rough and zipper digging into your skin that laid bare today.

"Well don't you look fine today, babe."

He spoke the best he could, his weird zombie accent more prominent rather then clear. Your nose stung from that sour death smell as your eyes watered in protest, you so badly wanted to throw up! While gagging to yourself, this archer quickly turned away, spritzing a few shots of liquid breath mint into his mouth. Kind of looking like a silly cartoon while he did that. Upon turning back to you, in your ever growing horror, the zombie started pulling you in, his lips perked and ready for a kiss.

With a scream, you slapped him. Head doing a 180° while you quickly rushed out of his loose grasp from his brief shock. Of course the plants nearby had turned to face the commotion, you ran as far as you could as angry plants approached the stunned undead.

Throughout the entire day, Robin tried his best to get your attention. For each one, you always alerted those around no matter what the archer did.

Candy.

Flowers.

Plushies and jewelry.

Love poems in his natural death tongue.

Each one a denial of his love, cracking his dead heart more and more.

He may not have gotten you today but maybe next day? No.

A week? No.

A month? Nuh-uh.

2 months? Net*.

On the third month, Robin had basically given up. He sat on the same park bench he had previously tried kissing you on, looking defeated and down in the dumps. He didn't want to return to base, the others had been making fun of him when they found out about a month into chasing his dream girl. Some laughed, some couldn't care, and others sneered in disgust.

Pigeons gathered around Robin's feet, pecking and looking for food. He admitted, watching these little birds made him feel better- Calm even. They would do the silliest of things which cheered the red head up, made him laugh a few times.

"Silly birds." He muttered, sprinkling some sunflower seeds around. Might as well give the little fellas a snack, they were begging to have a nibble with their goofy eyes. Robin doesn't mind sharing his snacks, just not with his buddies.

The sound of something landing beside him had gotten his attention, glancing over to spot a nicely wrapped present. It sat at the far end, taking a look around to see if he could spot anyone- No one. Robin decided to ignore it, somebody will come pick it up if it was theirs. Cardboard sliding against the bench wood alerted the man, causing him to look over once more to spot that it had gotten closer.

Weeeird.

Slowly turning away, it happened again! Robin peered down at the pink box with a red bow, he appeared to be frighten from how mysteriously close it got. It nearly touched his outer thigh!

Cautiously the zombie pulled on the ribbon's tongue, the pretty bow growing smaller and smaller until it no longer held the lid closed. The thin cardboard lid slowly been lifted in case it were a trap, brown eyes widen at what lay inside.

It was a teddy bear wearing a cute frilly dress, its right paw had velcro, which allowed it to hold the hand of it's counter part. But on the bear's dress, there had been a translucent pocket which held a picture of you, it made his busted heart heal.

There was also a folded letter inside, Robin folding it to read whatever was on it.

'I haven't seen you in a while. I miss seeing you around.

I hope we can see a movie sometime, maybe?

Love, [NAME].'

Whatever it says, it was in a language he definitely didn't understand, but, with his nose, he could smell your lovely perfume.